I've been planning for a long time to adopt when I'm about 30. One of my (male) superiors at work just adopted a baby girl from Eastern Europe this week, so I've been thinking about adoption (not bank crashes or whatever) this week. Everyone was so excited about his baby.It's hard for me to contemplate having a biological child when there are so many needy children born into poverty--born into such sad conditions. I guess it depends on whether you think those children are your problem; most people don't.
We never seriously considered domestic adoption. I can't contemplate having a baby taken away from me after a birth mother changes her mind or a birth father shows up a few years later. Some friends of friends actually have split custody after the birth father showed up when the kid was five. He tried to get them to pay him off. NO. WAY.
So, international adoption it is, and it is expensive!!! Estimates at about 15K, and up from there. My work offers a 5K adoption credit. That's nice, if I'm still working there by then. We earn too much for the gubmint tax credits.
Just thinking about this transaction blows my mind. 15K is so much money. We could send the kid to private school, we could make her college fund. Or we could fly to poorest Africa and save a child from a life of poverty. Really, I can't think of a better way to use 15K for me. But still--it seems so sad that it costs so very, very much to bring home a child who needs a home and who you want to love so much.
9 comments:
Adoption is a nice thing. I've never worried about children because though I might have problems conceiving I know that my DH is okay with us adopting.
So we've never felt the pressure others feel. We will have our kids eventually.
I think adoption is a wonderful thing and have thought of adopting myself. My bf is dead against it though, he is not interested in raising someone else child, so he says. I don't share his opinion. $15,000 seems a lot of money but can you but a price on a child? Open an account and start saving girl!
Adoption formed my family from the beginning. Just this June, my fifth and youngest adopted daughter graduated from high school. I would caution you to read, read, read up on the subject. And from a financial point of view, international adoption is a perilous, pricey and not-necessarily best way to go about it. If you're not looking for a baby, you really should check out domestic adoptions from foster care. Not only do you get enhanced tax deductions, but you get a medicaid card and a monthly subsidy. I was 30 when I adopted my first daughter. I was 50 when I adopted my fifth daughter. It was a roller coaster ride in between and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
BF is also dead set against adoption.... So for me, it's natural or we gotta work it out somehow
$15,000 is kind of low for international adoption. DH and I considered it off and on while dealing with infertility and in the past 4 years, international fees jumped considerably and several programs slowed or closed. When considering adoption, you cannot do too much research. Check out message boards for various countries, and really, really stay on top of current legal and political situations. Check the State Department's international adoption website. Get information from various agencies; compare fees and estimated times to referral -- you'll find some discrepancies among agencies, and it's pretty easy to see who is promising the moon.
Some agencies have requirements that one parent stay at home for 3-12 months after finalizing the adoption. You'll have to take that into consideration too.
The book "The Ultimate Insider's Guide to Adoption" is a decent overview, except for rather shoddy coverage of foster-adoption. If you Google "Perspectives Press," you'll find a lot of helpful articles on adoption and attachment theories, budgeting for expenses, preparing for the home study, etc.
There are too many kids here in the USA (assuming you are in the USA) in foster care with NO ONE, no mom, no dad, no one!
I'm sure it's cool to say you adopted from overseas but have you ever thought about looking into doing a foster adoption on our own soil?
I'm all for adoption but knowing how many of "our own children" need good loving homes, I can't justify going overseas. If we can't take care of our own children, how are we supposed to take care of the world's children?
I plan on becoming a foster parent myself in the next 3-5 years and I'm open to adoption.
One of my best friends did a foster adoption, the child's mother had terminal cancer and was unable to take care of her baby and the birth mother's extended family and the child's father were unwilling to care for the baby. The adoption closed with no hangups and my friend's son is now going on three years old.
Just my 2 cents!
My husband and I adopted a boy from Korea in 2004. The cost, including travel, ended up being about $27,000. Our son is now 5 and I am so glad we have him. He makes me smile every day. I also like traveling and learning about different cultures so adopting from another country was more interesting to me.
just FYI: $15,000 is about the minimum for international adoptions. Some can be as much as $30,000. We do have about 127,000 children here in the US waiting for families - they are legal orphans, belonging only to the state in which they live. Adoptions from foster care usually cost little ($500) to nothing.
It's just another option to consider when looking at adoption.
I totally agree with you about adoptions. I told my husband that if we ever decided to have more than one kid, I would want to adopt.
Given our limited resources, I think we'd avoid doing adoption as a first course of action. But definitely if we wanted a second kid, I would want to get someone who's already on this Earth.
What makes me so upset are the people that spend tens of thousands on in vitro when they could be adopting a very real baby for that money.
Don't forget: There are plenty of kids in South America that also need homes.
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