Work Drama! Even worse than the peanut allergy! My company has very few women. None of my direct co-workers are women, but there are some in similar departments.
Very few women are above me, but one of the company's stars is a woman (I'll call her Xena) in her late 30s. Xena started her own company right out of college and is a superstar in her own right. She works 24/7. Xena gets more done than any man, and then does some more. That's how she got where she is.
Today, Xena told the powers-that-be that she is pregnant and is quitting when she has her baby. PANIC!!! See, Xena is the head on two big projects, both with years left to go. By quitting she puts us all at risk of not being able to handle it.
People gossiped all afternoon. Why would you leave a half-million dollar (likely a lot more) salary? Why would you leave the business you have built with blood and sweat for 10 years? Why would you treat your co-workers and customers like that? And then the kicker.
They asked me, "When are you going to get pregnant and quit?"
Five times. Five different guys asked me that in the span of three hours. I think they meant it jokingly. Maybe they thought it was funny. But it wasn't funny to me, not funny at all. I actually shut the door to my office and cried. I've never cried at work before.
Women's choices have externalities. When women pull crap like this, it makes ALL women look less professional and reliable than our male co-workers. Today, it was somehow viable in mens' minds that I would just walk out on a huge salary, on my co-workers, and on my customers. Because of her decision, I looked flaky.
Women at my company spent gobs on their educations; we clawed and kicked our way through the old boys club to be here. Living Almost Large thinks women are judged for working and not staying at home. Not here, not if you went through all that, spent 200K on your degree, make a huge amount, and trudged through 10 years working 8-10. LAL says that feminism is being able to make choices and not be judged on them. I find that hard to stomach when another woman's choice affects me after I worked so hard to get where I am.
Today, I looked around and felt very alone. I'm the only woman in my department, and I'm the only non-secretary woman of color in this building. It never seemed like an issue before, but suddenly all of the leadership is white men. Suddenly, it seems like a big problem.
12 comments:
Good post, I'm sorry you had such a rough day. My field is male dominated as well (perhaps not quite as heavily as yours), and the boys club probably didn't understand how NOT funny they were. It is surprising that she just up and quit, without reassurance to help transition and lead her "duties". But it is also hard to condemn her for staying home with the baby, even if it makes US look bad too.
I think it's really unfair and inappropriate for you to label her actions flaky. You wrote, "Today, she told the powers-that-be that she is pregnant and is quitting when she has her baby." It sounds to me like she's given plenty of notice. It's not her job to be a rising star, it's her job to be a person with a full life. For her, that means kids, not just work. And while I agree the men are showing their stupidity by asking you when you're going to get pregnant and quit, you don't need to show your harsh, judgmental side by labeling her decision to have a family.
I don't see how this is unprofessional in any way? She announced she was pregnant & would be leaving the company when the baby came.
I suspect she's only 3-4 months along or you would all have already known she was, so she's giving plenty of notice, at least 4-6 months.
If she's worked 24/7 for 10 years as you say, maybe it was so she could leave once she started a family? She's worked hard, it's her life can't she make the choices she wants?
I disagree that her choices make all women look less professional or reliable, only you can make you look less professional or reliable.
I'm a single, professional woman & her choices have no impact on my life at all! :-)
First of all, what were you crying for? Why are you so sensitive? I can't imagine someone working in a male dominated field without a thick skin. If you work in a male dominated field, you should be used to those types of comments by now and have learned to respond with quick and witty retorts.
If it were me, I would have said "when you decide to quit and become a stay at home dad" or "I'm sure you'll have a baby and quit before I do."
Further, I don't see how her decision is unprofessional at all. Hell, she gave MANY months notice. As a woman, did you forget that it takes 9 months to nurture a full term baby? How is that "just up and quit?" Was she supposed to work 24/7 her entire working life? Geez. I think your comments are along the lines of the insensitive men and very judgmental towards a woman who has worked hard, earned her keep, and chose to make a life changing decision based on her God giving, natural right.
There's more to life than coworkers, customers, and money. If you don't plan to have children because you love your career and love making a lot of money, so what. If you do plan to have children but will continue to work when you do, so what. That's YOUR choice. But neither YOUR choice nor HER choice are a reflection of ME and MY professionalism as a woman.
And this comes from a woman in a male dominated field who is a woman of color, manages her career well, has risen through the ranks very quickly, and earns over six figures - WITH A CHILD.
So to you, I say, "girl hush!"
Repeat after me: "I am not the center of the universe."
What is wrong with quitting when you have kids? I see nothing wrong with quitting and nothing wrong with working.
I thought that was the point of feminism? I hate the fact that Sarah Palin is judged for working.
Granted she's not a great parent, but I can say that because we ALL said it about the Spears family. Messed up schmucks. But I hold her and her husband responsible for her daughter's pregnancy and her daughter too!
It's not that Palin's a woman, NOPE. It's both parents who were responsible in the rearing and raising of their child.
But the lady who quit, well there is obviously more to life than money. And she's made her decision. She may like it or may regret.
I hear judgement in your voice. Besides I don't think I'll work for a bit after our children are born. And I already hear judgement in MANY people's voices mirroring yours!
Why are you going to this school, getting this degree then? Because I want to. What is wrong with any decision?
Men are never questioned. Never judged.
I do think you can equally hold parents as bad parents though.
I'm surprised everyone is so harsh here. I don't think her choice is wrong. She can do what she wants.
But I agree that yes, it affects you. Maybe not largely, but no one questions if a man might leave his job when he wants children. People question that about females. Especially when ones who are high powered and well payed surprise people with their choices
Crying behind a closed door is fine. It is no crime to be little sensitive now and then, as long as you are professional about it. Crying to their faces is not fine. Thick skin is a facade for some of us.
I agree with the posts here in that your condemnation of this woman is harsh and inappropriate. Your coworker can do whatever she wants. If/when you decide to have children, you can, too. I understand that this post was likely written as a result of your frustration, but you reaction is as inappropriate as was your male colleagues. Hopefully you will support your coworker, as it sounds like she is doing exactly what she wants to do.
"Pulling crap like this"? What "crap"???? This woman worked hard that allowed her to make decisions according what she felt was good for her. For you to judge and condemn her is unfair and really just does not make sense? So that a bunch of guys acted stupid, why are you angry at the woman? What did she do wrong?
I also don't believe that she "just up and quit." Just because YOU didn't know that she was quitting until her announcement does not mean that those she should have given notice to, did not already know. (See post, you are not the center of the universe.)
This post is just another example of judgmental you are. Remember the posts about your friends' and your sister's weddings? I thought that was mean but this takes the cake.
How irresposible of you to say that a woman who chooses to stay at home to raise her child is "flaky". She wasn't flaky when she created this company, and she isn't flaky when you get your 6-figure paycheck. I think its fantastic that in a world where women are finally able to suceed in business, there are still many who believe that the right to choose also applies to choosing to be more traditional. But since I plan to quit my job when I have kids, I guess my MBS won't "count" anymore.
Maybe she has been working hard for those ten years in order to have the freedom to make this decision freely when the time came. She doesn't owe her coworkers,company or customers anything. It was probably a really hard decision, and in my view is one that is really brave. Good for her.
i love how you don't respond when people don't cheer you on. Mayb a little clarification would help people see your point of view. I don't understand how you, a supposed minority can call it crap that someone stuck it out to make half a million bucks a year for 10yrs and now wants to start a family is "crap" and makes YOU look bad. what the hell does she owe you? your posts are beginning to sicken me. I started reading thinking it would be interesting to see a person who makes decent money work to curb their unnecessary spending but you are the most judgmental person i have seen on a pf blog.
You would be better suited blogging about celebrities a la perez hilton. Cause then you can say stupid judgmental hateful things all day long just for kicks.
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