A while back, Morrison posted this about living on nothing. About how after you lose your job, you lose all your stuff, and your dignity, and so on. A little dramatic, but I think I finally feel the emotions behind this. The defeat.
I feel the invisibility.
My dearest friends and my sister have often called to check up when I was (am?) in a very dark place. They forwarded stupid jokes and complained about dating, like normal. I am fortunate to have so many great people in my life. But others just seemed to have disappeared.
I feel like some kind of leper. My co-workers, who I hung out with all the time, are just gone. My friends don't call. During the day, I feel very, very alone. Sometimes, I just wish someone would call. I didn't get invited to poker night. So then I wonder, was there a poker night? This week? Last week? Am I contagious?
It's terrible. I did the same thing to my friends who were laid off. I didn't know what to say, so I just didn't call. Hell, I didn't even email.
DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR LAID OFF FRIENDS!!!
Forward stupid jokes. Call with nothing to say. OK, maybe you can't ask them out to the new mixology bar, but you could try to make pasta or do the kind of things you wished you could do if you didn't have a job. Invite them to poker night, even if you don't think they'll come.
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11 comments:
not to sound naive.. but do they know you're laid off?
it's not something I'd publicize.
I think it's beneficial to publicize to your friends that you are laid off, and probably can help you find a job. Many of my laid-off friends got jobs through friends who kept an eye open for jobs for them. Additionally, there is absolutely no shame in being laid off.
Bump critterblogs. There really is no shame in being laid off. You can always turn a serious situation into a funny one to make it more comfortable with your friends. Like me for example when I was unemployed again in March, I would tell my friends, "hey I'm back in the food line. wanna hang out?" I guess it all depends on your friends too. I have a lot of close knit friends that were in the military together and it is easier to make bad things into a joke....
Now that I type this, I do indeed realize friends I grew up with I am losing connection more and more...and it would be more awkward to tell them more serious stuff especially if you haven't talked to them in a while.
But regardless, good post as you explain the importance of maintaining relationships.
The New York Times had a good article about how to deal with laid off friends. It gives good advice to friends of those who are laid off. It also advises those who were laid off to set the expectations of what you're willing to talk about and what you're not.
Thanks for posting this. I have a good friend who was laid off a while ago. In addition to putting her in touch with contacts who might be helpful (at her request), I managed to get her software she needed at cost and then told her it was a gift. She was very appreciative. I also included her in a brunch I'm organizing. She initially declined, but I reached out to her with a secret: the brunch is my treat for everyone (15 people). She accepted the invitation after that.
I am not sure if I'm doing the right things to help, but I have a little more confidence after reading your post. Thanks a lot, and I'm very sorry you're feeling so isolated.
My wife has been out of work since mid last December. We knew it would happen too because the contract ended. What we didn't know is that she would not be in line to be considered for the next contract for another month. This hit her pretty hard, she didn't want to do anything, and that's no way to live. She kept looking for new jobs and found a great one in March, got her interview in April, and will start next week in May. My wife spent 6 years, including summers, working towards her dream. As long as your passion doesn't fizzle out, the dream will never die. You choose to become invisible, go get noticed!
So you're learning that karma can be a bitch and feel bad that you treated your former coworkers/friends the same way they're now treating you. Well, don't wait for them to call. The telephone works two ways. Call up anyone else, including your former boss, who lost their job and suggest a lunch to commiserate, share job hunting tips and strategies, and just have some time out of the house to laugh and be with others.
When bad things happen, we're all allowed to feel bad for awhile and wonder, "Why me?" But I also ask myself, "What am I intended to learn from this situation." A person grows when they're challenged. This is a challenge you haven't faced before and so you have some growing to do. Some of your readers have chastized you in the past for bragging, arrogrance, or being elitist. Sure, it's easy to pay down debt, build up savings, etc. etc. when you have income of $150,000. Now try doing that on an income of $50,000. Some of your readers have said you put too much stock in material possessions, such as the fancy car that you insisted was essential and there's no way you'd be caught driving something like a Toyota Camry {{oh, the horrors!}}. Perhaps the universe is trying to teach you humility, empathy, and some more important values than those you wrote about in the past.
I don't know what the answers are for you. Just that you should use this time for some inner reflection and growth as well as trying to grow your resume.
Good luck.
Work relationships are fickle at best and rarely continue to exist outside of the work place. At least you have some close family and other friends for you. I share your frustration with work relationships I have been in your situation many times. Now I am under no illusions about relations with people at work, I have no expectations. People dissapoint me.
Dog,
Thanks for the mention.
You will get through this. You will make it to the 'other side'. You are going to learn a lot of things along the way: the main one is 'what truly is important in life.'
Dreamer is right. People I thought were 'friends' at the company I was laid off from were never to be heard from again once I was given the boot. (With the exception of one person, who has remained a good and true friend since.) In addition to what Dreamer said, I do think that people are 1) scared it will happen to them next and would rather not be in contact with someone to whom it has happened, especially someone at their own company and 2) they don't know how to react to your (JUSTIFIED) anger and bitterness toward the company, et al. Can you believe that months and months after I was laid off, a former co-worker (and someone I once considered to be a friend) sent me a baby shower invitation, after she had not called or emailed me one time to see if I was living on the street or what. I tore up the invitation. Appreciate your sis and the good friends you do have and realize you're better off without those other people anyway.
Sorry to hear about that. As someone who is now working a few hours a week, and who was just on disability for a couple of years, I know about the weirdness regarding unemployment.
I'm glad you're letting others know just how much friends disappearing sucks. I think people get nervous, like your "bad luck" will rub off on them. It's not logical, but I still wonder how many folks think it.
At any rate, it's a good way to show you who your real, steadfast friends are. But you should also remember that some people, especially former co-workers, may feel like they shouldn't contact you. They may worry that seeing them will remind you of unpleasantness. Consider doing an event and sending an invite to them. This gives them the all-clear to come see you. If they still don't respond, then you know just where they stand.
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