Warning: Major drama, really long. This has been hard on me, so I wasn't even sure if I should blog it.
My brother pled out a couple days ago for time served and got out of jail. He refused to go to rehab (again), so my parents kicked him out. He got evicted from his apartment while he was in jail, so they had his stuff. My mom, bless her, gave him his car, a full tank of gas, and $400. She neatly packed up his stuff in two suitcases and gave him a blanket and a pillow.
He told her that he would kill her and burn down the house. Drugs are who he is, you don't understand, you're too closed minded, you don't accept me. I begged my parents not to stay there, so they went to my sister's house, reluctantly.
In the middle of the night, he showed back up. He "lost" the car five miles away, we think he walked. He broke the garage door. He broke the front and back door off the hinges. He broke windows. He trashed the house. He was screaming, and a neighbor called 911. It took the cops 30 minutes to arrive (one of the biggest problems with living in the country). The police found him an hour later fully dressed in a fountain. He said he was in the Illuminati.
This is just so sad and out of control. Mom found his car with the help of a questionable "friend", loaded it with all his stuff, and is going to give it to the police. Surely, he can't be the first inmate who needs his car stored?
My parents are selling their house, mom changed her phone number. I can't believe I even wrote that. This has happened a dozen times, maybe more. Without the violence, he could have used and abused mom forever. But it's over now. That druggie killed my brother.
I can't decide if I'm angry at what he has done to my mom or mourning my brother. I am just so very glad my parents were not at home. I couldn't handle mourning all of them.
For now, I am trying to figure out how they can buy a new house and have the title anonymous, without putting it in a trust. Surely, they aren't the first victims of domestic violence who want an anonymous house title?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
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24 comments:
They could also start a corporation under a random name and buy assets like that. Just a thought.
I can't offer any helpful advice, but I did want to say that I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Thank God you managed to persuade your parents to go to your sister's house that night.
You can be both angry at him and mourning who he was. I'm sure you'll go through a lot of emotions as you work through what's happened in your family. Such a tragedy--my heart goes out to you. I'm so glad your parents weren't home.
Wow, that is a crazy story. It is such a good thing you have a solid head on your shoulders and thought to have your parents not be there. I am confused as to how he got out. I guess I don't understand the term "pled out for time served" (can it really be that easy?). Aren't you glad you didn't bail him out? And he refused rehab? You have your hands full with him. I feel bad for your mom and your family.
Dang, your family is messed up. How embarrasing.
Wow I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. Good luck to your family in this tough time.
Sorry to hear this...it's horrible. I'm glad your parents are alright. So is he back in jail now?
Anonymous (comment#5) - how about a little compassion? I am sure your family is the perfect like the Cleavers, right?
That's so heartbreaking. I'm glad your parents weren't home. I hope someday your brother will seek out the help he needs.
Thank goodness your parents are safe.
I hope they can do everything in their power to stay anonymous and away from your brother
he sounds really violent and dangerous on drugs..
12 step recovery was the best thing that ever happened to me - a recovering alcoholic and child of alcoholics. I highly encourage you and your family to attend some Al-Anon meetings to help get through this, helping yourselves and your brother.
Personally knowing so many people who suffer from the disease of addiction is hard - but knowing so many people who are in recovery and truly changing for the better brings me more joy than I ever imagined possible.
Thank GOODNESS your parents were not there. I agree. One of the best books I've read about privacy and personal safety is "How to Be Invisible," by J.J. Luna. Also, Mr. Luna's personal site has all KINDS of info on it re: personal safety. You parents are taking the right steps in insuring their safety, and they are 100% right about wanting to keep their address private. Here's Mr. Luna's site. http://www.howtobeinvisible.com/ Good luck!!!
I'm so sorry that this is happening, and my heart goes out to your parents. Thank goodness they listened to you and left the house for the night; it's awful that they have to do this but it's always better for them to be cautious in these kinds of situations. He is right about one thing: drugs are who he is now. Perhaps someday he might hit rock bottom and change, but you simply can't risk their safety on a hope.
Many years ago, my cousin became deeply embroiled in drugs and became a danger to our families. It was completely heartbreaking.
Is there a reason your parents wouldn't want to buy the house under a trust?
Are they going to move far enough away that he can't easily find them again? Can they?
Lynn,
Pled out for time served is can happen if the offence is not that that serious (such as a possession charge, or he-said-she-said things like threats and minor vandalism).
In some jurisdictions, the time that is served in remand centers involves such appalling conditions that the state is obliged to give double or even triple-credit time. Meaning that for every day spent in remand, the accused gets credit for two days of jail.
Many judges recognize that jail time is often useless in the case of addicts. Addicts are extremely resourceful and can often make jailtime worse (or a training ground) for other inmates.
I know of a young man who does his best to serve time in remand so that he can smuggle in drugs to serve the clientele. Once he was arrested without having had time to "prepare". He was beaten for daring to get brought in without bringing product to his clients.
This sounds like straight out of a bad made-for-TV movie, I know. I'd never be able to practice that area of law -- for either side.
Dog, I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. You should be proud of yourself for helping your parents however you can, and for having the strength to recognize that your brother isn't just your brother anymore. Your poor parents. Hang in there.
Oh, your poor mum. She must be beside herself. I don't have any practical advice, but send loads of best wishes.
I'm so sorry to hear this. What a terrible and heartbreaking situation. Thank goodness everyone is safe.
Oh, Dog. I am so sorry to hear it escalated to this point. Your poor parents (and you!). You have done the right thing and kept a level head which I am sure is not easy. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Pick up the book "Beautiful Boy" by David Sheff for both you and your parents to read. Hopefully you all can find some comfort in knowing you aren't the only family living through a crisis like this...
Very sorry to hear that you are going through this. :(
I'm so sorry Dog, I hope your family finds a safe place to stay and that some day your brother finds the help that he needs.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and your parents. I'd agree with PP... spend the ~$200 to set up a LLC and have it buy the house, but I don't know the tax implications of that.
I don't know how common your last name is, but your parents could also take out the title using first initial-last name. That might make it harder to find. And don't count out renting for a bit- a 6 month lease somewhere could give them time to get things in order and make a solid plan.
They need to go ahead and get a restraining order if nothing else.
An organization that helps DV victims might be able to help. One helped me when I was going through some things.
So sorry about what's happened - best of luck for the next few months and i hope it all works out.
I'm sorry to hear about all this. Not that it helps any. But nonetheless, this is a terrible situation.
I guess the one good thing about my in-laws refusing to cut off my BIL is that he'll never go on a violent rampage -- unless you count all the doors he's ripped off the hinges and holes he's punched in the walls.
Your parents should talk to a DV agency and explain the situation. (Or Al Anon, maybe?) I'm sure one of those agencies has an idea about the title.
But... not to insult your brother's intelligence, would he even know to go look up titles?
I've recently started dropping by your blog now and then and this post caught my attention.
I feel there are many parallels in our lives. Both twenty-something, married, and now I find your brother is just like mine also.
We haven't had any major events like you described, but we've definitely had our share of drama and I actually fought him once. I feel for you so much. I know how terribly heartbreaking it is and I wish you strength and comfort in your difficult times.
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