I just got back from the jail, visiting my brother. I went with one of my other brothers.
I'd never visited jail before (thankfully), and it was terrifying. It was like Jerry Springer in there, only not funny at all. A lot of women with small children. The smell was overwhelming. There were a whole lot of visitors, easily a hundred, and it was the middle of the day.
You couldn't take anything with you, had to put it in these little lockers. My brother didn't want to pay 50 cents for the locker, so he put our stuff in his car because the lot was right next to the prison and was patrolled. Luckily, he was right because I would have been really mad if someone stole my iPhone.
An hour later, we got to the visitation room, where the inmates were behind glass and bars like animals. There wasn't even a phone like on TV, just this sad speaker thing which you washed down with paper towels and soap from the bathroom and had to put your face up to. Visitors were screaming to be heard all around.
One woman, obviously a wife with a baby and a toddler, screamed she couldn't afford to take any more calls because they were $6 and she had to buy formula. One man wanted to know visitation schedules to visit the inmate, the inmate's brother, and the inmate's mother in the nearby prisons.
My brother just screamed at us for not bailing him out. He said we didn't support him. He said we had to get him out. It wasn't fair. I don't think I've seen him sober in years. It was really sad. He was so scared. The whole situation is just sad.
After that little performance, I'm more convinced there's nothing I can do. My money can't help him now.
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8 comments:
the only person who can help him, is himself. if he doesn't want help, nothing will make a difference.
I hope you told him that the rest of his life will be spent in just such places if he doesn't get clean and stay off the drugs. His choice, his life.
**big hug** not much more to say besides that - stay strong.
Wow.
He needs to learn the lesson the hard way.. I'm so sorry you have to go through this
Remand centers or other kinds of pre-sentencing holding facilities is some of the hardest time a person can serve. In my area, one of the richest cities in the country, our remand centre was condemned by Amnesty International for unclean water, filth, lack of ventilation. It's an embarrassment.
Sorry you had to experience that, dog.
*virtual hug*
There are some problems that cannot be solved by money. Addiction is one of them. Just look at all those celebrities that go to rehab.
I wish your brother luck beating his addiction and avoiding jail. I hope to heck that he straightens up and flies right, but I wouldn't be left holding the bag for someone like that either. (Someone who married into my family had a sibling that was an addict. He's cleaned up, but no one knows how long it will last.)
So, has the jail put him on a detox program? If he's an habitual user, it's medically dangerous to let him detox naturally.
I just wonder because you said you hadn't seen him sober in years. Unfortunately, even after the drugs leave the system, the addict behavior continues.
I'm sorry you had to travel all that way and experience all that crap just to be berated. I know you already know this, but you're doing the right thing. It just feels awful.
As for the calls, Tim was furious with his brother because he called his parents constantly from jail. He's the epitome of codependence. But each call is collect. One month, their bill was $600. I think most months it was at least $200. His parents actually lied to us about how much it cost. Later, one of them slipped, which is how we found out. Talk about enabling.
I wish I could offer some wisdom or words of advice but... Matt gets out of rehab today so I'm expecting a whole new slew of anger and resentment as his parents start praising him for breathing. And while Tim and I wait for him to slip up again.
Did not get to read why he is in jail. But as a mom of a 17 year old who just got out from spending 4 months in jail. Leave him in there! Write him let him learn. Hard to do but darn it they have to learn. Love the BLOG
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