I work at a women's non-profit. That means I work with a lot of battered women. It's not all I do, but it's enough.
(By the way, women's shelters always need toiletries. It's hard to overstate what shampoo or perfume mean to these women after she wasn't "allowed" to wear perfume or have nice things.)
They warned me that it would only be a matter of time until a woman would get killed on my watch. Anyone who has ever worked with/known/helped a battered woman knows why. You just can't help them unless they want to be helped, and sometimes it feels like they are just trying to get themselves killed.
I thought I had helped this woman. I knew the situation wasn't perfect, but I thought I had helped her and that things would get better. She was even a nurse who made all the money, and was a con who sat at home controlling her and spending her money.
Well, she went back. She loves him, and I don't know him. Now she is in the hospital, and the kids are in foster care.
Sometimes I wonder if this is my relationship with this blog. Insecure loser trolls are not worth my time. (I'm looking at you Henry and Nelson!) It's always men with nothing going on with their lives. You know what, these men are garbage. And yet, I empower them for some reason or want their approval or something. Why?
Batterers are a worthless waste of oxygen. They are truly evil men. They live to destroy, to tear women down. They try to control women with money, with time, with all their relationships. They just want to bring her down to make them feel like they are worth something. You know what, that's what these trolls are. I'm just not going to take it anymore. Maybe I'll just delete it. Maybe I'll require a Blogger account.
It's a big Internet. If you don't like me, don't read it. It's my blog, and I'll publish what I want, and that includes your trash comments. It's really not that hard. Get a life.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
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17 comments:
I just had an episode with a slick, subtle (or so my troll thinks) round of insults designed to tear me down and reduce me to nothing. So I've only had ONE troll nipping at my heels - I can only imagine what comments you filter out each day. Dog, in addition to people who simply don't agree with us, don't like us, and wouldn't get along with us if they knew us, there are sadists out there; sociopaths - there are all sorts in the world and unfortunately, the internet gives them free rein. People get jealous. Money is a very touchy subject. No wonder it's basically a socially private topic and people have to keep their blogs anonymous. But even still, people get angry when they see that someone else has the goodies. They can even tear down someone who does NOT have all the goodies if for any reason that person has rubbed them the wrong way. Unfortunately, it's a facet of human nature that we are competitive, and some of us, more than others, want to grind our fellow man down under our heel as we climb the hill. You open yourself up to supporters and detractors when you post publicly in a public place. You just can't win. Unfortunately, outspoken people or others not doing everything "by the book" and barely getting by while they're doing it are more likely than average to incite the ire and nastiness of people who really need to get some more productive hobbies. In my case, I don't do anything the "standard" way, and while I'm buried under piles of debt (which, ironically, I've lately made progress at climbing out from under), I have assets and resources, on the other hand, and the combination has made at least one person insane with cruelty and stalker-like behavior (I see you in my feedjit constantly, Lexington, Kentucky.) This is just part of human nature and always has been: The more visible you are, the more successful you are, and/or the more unconventional you are, the more you're going to hear from people who don't wish you well, at all. I came close to thinking that I don't want to have a blog at all anymore. So I can understand where you are coming from. I'm going to keep my blog for now, although I am re-thinking what I want to do with it. You can always blog without comments enabled, just to keep a record for yourself of what you are doing. Heck, you can even make your blog visible to yourself only. Good luck with whatever you do.
@ 444. So true. It's supposed to be secret. Domestic violence also. It's like the celebrity du jour with bruises (my generation's is Rihanna) is a giant surprise.
If you go to Wordpress.com, you can log IP addresses
Just saying.
Trolls seemed to disappear after that....
I think that you have, in fact, attracted some people who are unnecessarily vehemant--people who I would think of as trolls.
But I also sometimes wonder if some bloggers mistakenly read someone disagreeing with their actions or opinions as trolling. I think that when it comes to posting about a topic like personal finance, most bloggers either set themselves up as an authority or as an advice-seeker. The challenge comes when people disagree with your stance as an authority or with the approach for which they think you're seeking advice.
I also think that in your case, the situation is complicated by the tone of a lot of your posts. I think that when you post, you're often venting... which to me tends to read as angry and rather my-way-or-the-highway. I don't think this is always your intention, but it's how it comes across to me. The problem is that it's a tone that can push people's buttons and-- as you've found-- some people push back.
I wouldn't blame you if you decided to pull the plug permanently, because I do think that some commenters have crossed the line with you. But I also think that you get upset even with people who aren't crossing the line. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the impression that I have.
Well done! I agree with 444 and I also think that anonymous commenters with their slams are gutless. Man-up and put yourself out there if you're going to be nasty. But again, with them it's a lack of self-esteem and they get their kicks from trying to bring others down. So pathetic. Glad you're back!
And, like it or not, the internet isn't necessary a safe space. :-(
I'm really glad you aren't letting anyone tell you how to blog. I'm glad you gave the information about what is needed in the shelters too. I'm a pretty simple person, so I don't normally judge or feel the passion some do about certain things, but people being mean to other people (whether they are men, women or child abusers) is just wrong, and I commend you for your part in all the craziness. Thank You, Kathy L.
I wonder, as does one of your anonymous posters, if you equate those who disagree with you as trolls, but I assume that's not the issue. It's the level of nastiness that some of your commenters display that is concerning. I keep remembering JW, whose blog I loved--his trolls went so far as to contact his employer, which led to the complete removal of his blog. I hated to see that because I think blogging helped him even if some of us bemoaned a lot of his decisions. On my own blog, I've been getting criticism lately, but so far, it all seems to be well-thought out, whether or not I agree. I do think my posters are trying to help me, not just tear me down. I hope, one day, the same can be said of yours.
I'm glad to see you back, Dog. Don't let those anon haters get you down. Also, coming from someone who has had similar experiences, if your job is really affecting you, maybe it would be a good idea to talk to someone about it.
I'm glad to see you back and blogging. I don't always agree with you, but you're one of the most interesting voices in the blogosphere - and wouldn't PF be boring if we all agreed? Don't be shy in moderating the comments - there's a difference between respectful disagreement and pointless vitriol.
If you are going to open yourself up on the net, then expect people to talk shizz. Its just the nature of the beast. But really, do you care what some faceless goof says on the interwebs?
it's an interesting correlary - batterers feel comfortable battering because their victims don't get help and are 'hidden' - trolls feel comfortable shredding bloggers because the bloggers are 'hidden'. Anyway - glad you're back and I enjoy your blog.
I like you and read your post and was really scared that you were going to stop posting before we found out about how your house story was going to end. Please don't stop posting just because of mean people. They aren't worth it.
Some women bring on the battery themselves. If they weren't so annoying, there would be no need for violence. Many female bloggers are so annoying in the blogosphere, it is a wonder that they aren't all battered.
J/K!
I enjoy your blog and appreciate the parallels in your analogy. I know that you were using a specific example from your work, but please remember that men can also be the victims of abuse and women can be the abusers. The cycle of abuse is certainly not gender specific even though it is more common in our society to hear about men abusing women.
I have to admit, I disagree with you more often than I agree. And I think that is ok, as long as I can either disagree respectfully or simply move on without saying anything.
I'm glad you are staying around, and I do agree with this. Do not listen to those who tear you down. They are the ones with a problem, not yo.
I don't agree with everything you say or do, but I don't even agree with everything *I* say or do. I think putting your info out there on the internet shows a willingness to tolerate good and bad feedback. I haven't seen what I would call Trolls; people make valid points when disagreeing, it's not like they are just riping you apart.
I emphathize with your emotional reaction to your client's situation, but a lot of people do this for a living, and the world is a much better place because of that.
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